August 26, 2008

Cube-ism Culture

A Cramped Mentality
I claim no responsibility for the landfill aesthetics of this cubicle. Even imaginary friends (IFs) have limits when it comes to covering up for their friends.


This travesty in office chic belongs to my real-world host organism, the BFF I call Jane to preserve her anonymity. When this photo was taken, she'd just tidied up for her boss’s visit. You should have seen it an hour earlier.

Over time, I've suggested minimalist décor and a few well-placed objets d’art to no avail, not a surprising thing given Jane’s nouveau-hippie style and obsession with boy-oriented vintage toys (see the huge Bart Simpson Pez dispenser and Rock‘Em Sock‘Em Robots?). I usually just sigh at her choices and secretly gloat over the 50th anniversary Barbie collection I've channeled her to order (it arrives in 2009, so there’s plenty of time to convince her that she wanted it). One must pick one’s battles, after all. However, I believe Jane’s 2,000-hour-per-year existence in a 6’ x 6’ corral keeps her shrink, chiropractor and exercise class in business, which, on the other hand, is good for the economy (see other positive cubicle effects below).

Cube life makes us both cranky—me because IFs crave light and mellow ambiance and Jane because the blood flow to her appendages is constricted, not to mention that two’s a crowd in a small gray box.


More Cubicle Issues
1. Lacks privacy. Jane displays admirable discretion when phoning her credit card companies to whisper about late payments. However, when her daughter calls from college to say her checking account is overdrawn again, she screeches every motherly word and the heads of Cube World’s prairie dogs pop up over the four-foot walls, no doubt wishing for doors.
2. Allows intrusive noise. See No. 1. Unbeknownst to her, Jane has been called “Old Yeller” behind her back.
3. Hampers shop-o-rama. In the layoff world, one must appear productive, which leads to furtiveness when conducting totally necessary, when-else-am-I-going-to-do-it Internet shopping. Time flies when I direct my love of stilettos and bling through Jane, but then she’s prone to cut off my spree without warning if nosy co-workers, or worse, supervisors, clump by and rubberneck at the monitor. Give Jane credit though for great hand-eye coordination in the simultaneous nixing of Nordstrom’s fashion pages while opening the boring Excel report and frowning in spreadsheet-related concentration.

4. Smacks of prison and/or institution. Duh. Monotone cells promote the desire to escape pronto, thereby canceling out potential productivity.
5. Stifles creativity. How can Jane think “out of the box” if she’s in one?

Cartoon title is "There goes a lung" from My Life in a Cube, Daily Reflections from My Work Cubicle by Shane Johnson.

6. Encourages disease. As an IF, I’m immune to sickness, but it’s still tedious to hear the co-workers hack and wheeze through cold and flu season. The minute the misty germs begin to circulate, I steer Jane down the pharmacy aisles.

Even the inventor of the cubicle concept, Robert Propst, regretted his “unwitting contribution of what he called ‘monolithic insanity’”, according to FORTUNE Magazine’s March 22, 2006, article, “Cubicles: The Great Mistake” by Julie Schlosser. As a young designer in the 1960s, Propst designed an economical new system of spacious work surfaces and shelves. Partitions were meant to provide privacy and places to hang projects in progress. But, as the office model evolution ground on, Propst’s vision kept shrinking. Now, cubicles walls are plastered with images such as wedding portraits, baby pix and posters of Russell Crowe in gladiator garb while office life has become a Mad Hatter whoosh into a bolt-hole, getting the job done without accruing overtime.

On the Positive Side
Although positives abound, they reek of quiet desperation, in my view. In the article, “Pros and Cons of Cubicles”, author I. Michael Akbar’s list of tongue-in-cheek pros include the following:

1. Cloth walls. These work great with push pins for wall art.
2. Nostalgia. The enclosure reminds us of the forts we built as children.
3. Eco-friendly. Less construction material and furniture is used.
4. Economy of space. More personnel in smaller areas saves the company money.
5. Projectiles. Throwing spitballs and paper clips at co-workers is simplified by the low walls.

I think the biggest plus has been to pop culture in the form of entertainments such as Dilbert, Office Space and The Office.

Get Over It
Cubes are here to stay, so flinging oneself over the battlements (the partitions, in this case) and moaning about corporate fate would serve no purpose. From their marble and glass offices, CEOs and operations managers strive to ensure user-friendly workspace. Jane is lucky enough to have a window nearby and, if she stands on tiptoe, can see treetops on the horizon.

Sometimes on the early shift, Jane dons John Lennon sunglasses to gaze into the rising sun—a scenario I exploit afterward by guiding her back to her cubicle and online to, hmmm, a designer handbag site I've heard is to die for….

Jane’s fingers softly begin to tap the keyboard...http://www.google.com/

Ah.

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